we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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