it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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