This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
