This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
