I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
