And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
