my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
