Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
