it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
