That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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