Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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