I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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