what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
