but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
