pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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