Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
home. puking in laundry basket.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize