I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize