Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
