That's intense
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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