can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize