You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
