i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
