Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Dicks are not precious.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
