Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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