You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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