I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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