Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
