Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
