I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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