Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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