I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
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