I am in a vortex of obligation.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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