it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
