I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
