i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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