Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
