somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
