Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
