I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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