how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
