woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
