Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
