After last night, I could never be a politician.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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