I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVEâ€
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
