Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
