so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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