i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
