Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
