He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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