Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
