I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
