We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
