oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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