My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize