When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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