Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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