so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
