bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
