I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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