By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
