the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
