Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
