Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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