do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Enjoy the penises
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
