dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
is that a dick in a sweater?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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