How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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