Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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