actually, I'm a sock model
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
