Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She's the barista slut.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
