My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
