So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Randomize
