u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize