Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We were destined to go to rehab together
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
