So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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