that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize