You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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