My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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