shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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